MIDTOWN TORONTO THERAPY
  • Home
  • About
  • Services
    • Individual Therapy >
      • Depression
      • Anxiety
      • FAQs About Therapy
    • Postpartum Counselling
    • Couples Counselling
  • Fees/Policies
  • Media
  • Blog
  • Contact

The Burnout Factor: 5 Ways to Cope When You're Wearing Down During COVID-19

7/17/2020

0 Comments

 
Picture

Is it really July? 

Normally, this time of year arrives with so much fanfare after a busy school year and hectic spring. It marks the beginning of summer and the start of a more relaxed existence for a couple of months. 

This year, it just kind of…showed up.

And I guess it shouldn’t come as a surprise that July caught us out of the blue. Unlike years past, there isn’t much to distinguish the school year from the summer. No graduation ceremonies, goodbye parties or upcoming plans, just a continuation of the same work/home juggling act we’ve been performing for the last four months.

Despite what we’d all hoped when this lockdown started, this pandemic life isn’t taking the summer off. 

It’s staying put and it’s wearing us down.

THE BURNOUT FACTOR

As I mentioned in my last blog, this lack of transition or “break” from the demands of our new normal is just one of the many reasons we’re experiencing a collective feeling of burnout right now.  Humans rely on predictability and boundaries to pace ourselves and without them we can feel overwhelmed.  

And though burnout isn’t classified as a medical condition, it’s serious and should be dealt with to keep it from spiraling into a more serious problem. These are just some of the common signs of burnout to watch out for:

  • Physical Exhaustion
  • Sudden Changes in Mood
  • Disengagement or Decreased Motivation
  • Sleeplessness or Insomnia

COPING WITH BURNOUT

Preventing burnout is easier said than done these days, but the below strategies can help you keep your exhaustion at bay and cope when life leaves you drained.

  • Learn to Say ‘No’: If the Zoom dates and socially distanced visits are wearing you thin, it’s time to weigh which commitments are serving you and your loved ones, and which are not. It’s not about being rude or antisocial; it’s about self-preservation and recognizing there are limits to your energy levels. Recalibrate how you feel about those plans when you’re feeling better.
 
  • Prioritize Self-Care: I talk about this one a lot but can’t stress it enough during these challenging months. Carving out precious time for yourself to disconnect and recharge is critical in managing burnout or avoiding it in the first place. Go for an evening walk, do some gardening or meditate alone for 20 minutes: no amount of self-care is too trivial right now. 
 
  • Structure Your Time: Incorporating structure into your day is key to warding off burnout — particularly if you’re a parent or caregiver managing other people’s time in addition to your own. Setting clear boundaries, expectations and goals makes it easier to pace yourself and can provide a much-needed sense of accomplishment at the end of the day. 
 
  • Delegate Responsibilities: One of the fastest routes to burnout is to do everything yourself. Take advantage of a summer spent at home by delegating age-appropriate duties (think: taking out the trash, making snacks, folding laundry) to other house members. You don’t have to tackle every task yourself!
 
  • Speak to Someone: These are challenging and demanding times. If you find yourself exhibiting signs of burnout, consider contacting a therapy professional for access to one-on-one support for how to manage your mental and physical load. Many therapists, including me, are offering virtual counselling during the pandemic to accommodate physical distancing protocols. You don’t have to face your challenges alone!

Burnout is becoming an increasingly recognized side-effect of COVID-19 control measures as the simultaneous demands of work life and home life take their toll. If you or a loved one are finding it difficult to manage right now, consider the above techniques and contact a mental health professional if you need additional support. 

Stay safe and stay well.


0 Comments

The Burnout is Real: 5 Reasons We're All Exhausted Right Now

6/26/2020

0 Comments

 
Picture


As we near the end of June, I think back to that Friday in March when I picked my kids up from school for what — unbeknownst to any of us — was the last in-person day of the 2019/2020 academic year. 

Nothing could have prepared me for what laid ahead: a marathon three months (going on four) of trying to juggle the synchronized demands of work life, home life, and school life. 

I’m exhausted.

And I’m not alone. 

Burnout is shaping up to be a major side-effect of COVID-19, and it’s not the kind of burnout we normally associate with lengthy commutes, back-to-back appointments, or late hours at the office. 

It’s a new type of burnout that’s less “hustle and bustle” and more of a mental exercise that we never trained for. A relentless routine — “Groundhog Day” has become a popular metaphor to describe the monotony we’ve settled into — that is testing our psychological stamina and resolve. 

More than 100 days into pandemic life and many of us are just feeling…done.

WHAT’S BEHIND THE BURNOUT?

With everyone experiencing this pandemic differently depending on their personal and professional circumstances, it’s impossible to summarize all the potential reasons people are feeling flat-out drained right now. 

But if you’re looking to understand why you’re feeling so utterly worn out these days, the below explanations could be a start:


  • Our Escapes are Gone: A useful technique for decompressing under normal circumstances is to do something completely unrelated to your daily grind. But as we know, physical distancing protocols have limited our access to many of those “escapes” — like the gym, for example —that we’d normally turn to as a way to let off steam. Being unable to disconnect in our usual ways can lead to increased feelings of exhaustion and burnout.

  • “Decision Fatigue”: Whoever thought a trip to the grocery store could be fraught with so much doubt? But that’s today’s reality as we grapple with the many unknowns of going out. Is it safe to buy unwrapped produce? Should I wear gloves to handle the gas pump? Am I comfortable making plans with other people? These judgments that were once automatic now feel weighty beyond belief — and that’s saying nothing of bigger dilemmas like when to return to work or whether to send kids to camp or school.  “Decision fatigue” is real and it’s wearing us down.   ​

  • Too Many Hats: If you find yourself making breakfast and assisting with math homework all while feeding the dog and partaking in a conference call, you’re not alone. The pandemic has turned many of us into full-time multitaskers responsible for juggling the simultaneous schedules of work and home.  It’s one thing to wear different hats during the day, but quite another to wear them all at once.
  • No Days Off:  Normally if you’re feeling burned out, you can explore the option of a vacation or personal day to rest and recharge. Unfortunately, pandemics don’t take time off so guess what? Neither do you. Being unable to take a break from this new COVID reality is one of the most tiring parts of all. No ‘out of office’ replies here.  

  • An Unknown Target: Humans thrive on predictability and without it we get anxious and stressed. Unfortunately for us, there’s been nothing predictable about when (or if) life will get back to normal. For parents of young kids, one of the biggest unknowns of this pandemic relates to school this fall: will kids be going back to class or will distance learning become the new status quo for the 2020/21 year? It’s hard to pace yourself without a finish line.

There is no shortage of explanations for the burnout many of us are feeling right now. In my next post, I’ll elaborate on some common signs of burnout and share tips for how to manage through this tiring and trying time. 

​Stay safe and stay well!





​


0 Comments

5 Ways to Care for Your Postpartum Mental Health Amid Covid-19

5/24/2020

0 Comments

 
Picture

We all know the saying “it takes a village to raise a child,” but what happens when your village can’t come through the front door? 

This is the unique and unprecedented reality for parents bringing home newborns amid COVID-19.
 

Lockdown measures are keeping support systems at bay for new parents. And rather than having loved ones able to visit and help out, exhausted moms and dads are pretty much going it alone right now.  

The pandemic has also suspended social gatherings and religious ceremonies, meaning everything from baby showers to baby namings, are on hold for the moment. 

Lastly, physical distancing rules have decreased access to in-person care, including doctor visits, physiotherapy and lactation clinics, making it difficult for parents to get the postpartum support they need.

It’s a lot of unexpected change in a very short time.

WHAT IMPACTS CAN ALL THIS HAVE ON POSTPARTUM MENTAL HEALTH?
​

Caring for a newborn is demanding and delicate without the weight of a pandemic. The stress and restrictions of COVID-19 have only exacerbated these challenges.

For first-time parents especially, being isolated from loved ones and having decreased access to certain supports can breed feelings of fear for having to go through this experience alone. Add to that the pressure of protecting a fragile newborn from a global virus and it’s understandable why moms and dads may be feeling extra anxious or afraid.

Physical distancing measures can also compound feelings of loneliness, exhaustion and sadness that are already common in the weeks following childbirth.  New parents may also experience feelings of disappointment that their postpartum reality bears little resemblance to their hopes and expectations for this time in their lives.

Among the biggest concern for Canadian health officials, however, is the impact long-term isolation could have on postpartum depression — a serious mental health disorder impacting approximately 15 percent of postpartum women. Symptoms of postpartum depression can vary from woman to woman, but common signs include excessive feelings of sadness, withdrawal, exhaustion, guilt and trouble bonding with the baby. Postpartum depression is not limited to first-time parents and can last for weeks or months following delivery.   

COPING AMID COVID

Below are some strategies that may be helpful if you or a postpartum loved one are struggling to cope amid COVID-19.
​
  • Seek Out Support: Despite the physical distancing measures in place, there are still options for accessing the medical, social and emotional support you need. Many therapists, including me, are offering virtual counselling during the pandemic, resources like Telehealth Ontario are available 24/7 for confidential health advice and information, and many specialists, including lactation consultants, have shifted their practices online. You don’t have to face your challenges alone. 

  • Connect with Community: Technology has made it possible for us to stay connected with our village even while physically isolated in our own homes. Consider joining a virtual baby group and video chat with loved ones to reclaim your sense of community. Nothing makes people happier than seeing a brand-new baby!

  • Practice Self-Care:  New parents get very little time to themselves, but it’s more important than ever to carve out precious minutes for self-care. This can be as simple as taking a shower or going for a solo walk around the block — the important thing is that it feels good and helps you recharge. Eating right, spending time outdoors, getting adequate rest and maintaining good hygiene are vital to your wellness now more than ever. 

  • Prioritize Healing: Pregnancy and childbirth take a physical toll and it’s natural to experience certain discomforts, including bleeding, breast tenderness and abdominal aches, as your body starts to heal. With your body working overtime to care for your newborn right now, it’s critical not to neglect your own health and recovery. Monitor your post-birth body for any unusual pain or symptoms and always contact your doctor if something feels wrong.

  • Lean on Your Partner: This is always a good rule of thumb, but especially right now as postpartum moms have limited access to outside help. Whether it’s laundry that needs folding, meals that need cooking or a baby that needs holding, don’t be afraid to lean on your partner for extra support so you can catch a much-needed (and most likely, long overdue) break.

This is a particularly challenging time to be bringing a baby into the world. If you or a loved one are finding it difficult to cope, consider the above strategies and always reach out to a therapy professional for additional support.

0 Comments

Pregnancy and Mental Health Amid COVID-19

5/5/2020

0 Comments

 
Picture
In this two-part series, I explore the unique challenges of pregnancy and childbirth amid COVID-19 and how women can prioritize their mental health at this difficult time. 

Pregnancy and childbirth are challenging under normal circumstances, but especially right now as shifting healthcare policies and social distancing measures have turned even the most routine checkup into anything but, well…routine.  

Add on the weight of job losses or salary cutbacks and fears around getting sick and it’s understandable why there are heightened concerns around mental health in the prenatal community.
 

WHAT’S CHANGED FOR PREGNANT WOMEN DURING COVID?

There are many things out of the ordinary right now, but the most obvious changes for expectant mothers are logistical.

Hospitals and clinics have adapted their policies to fit the pandemic, including limiting the number of people allowed during prenatal visits and inside the delivery room. Doctors and midwives have, in some cases, been asking their patients to skip routine check-ups or replace them with virtual appointments to minimize contact. 

When it comes to blood tests, ultrasounds and other appointments that can’t be done via tele-medicine, women are likely to face enhanced health and safety measures at their clinic(s) — including restrictions around their movement and mandatory masks — that are beyond what they’d experience under normal circumstances. 

WHAT IMPACTS CAN ALL THIS HAVE ON MENTAL HEALTH?

We’re living through a time of great uncertainty when emotions are running high. Put pregnancy on top of that and the mental health toll can be significant for expectant mothers. 
  • Fear and Anxiety: What happens if I get sick? Is the hospital a safe environment for me and my newborn? These questions and many more are likely swirling through the minds of pregnant women right now and it’s understandable why, even as extra precautions are being taken to keep moms and newborns safe. There are still more questions than answers about COVID-19 and uncertainty can be a breeding ground for fear.
 
  • Discouragement and Frustration: The disruption and inconvenience caused by COVID-19 is compounding an already challenging time and you could be feeling resentful (or frankly, just mad) about having to deal with it. These feelings are valid and reasonable; you were not expecting to have to overcome these additional hurdles while growing a baby. 
 
  • Sadness and Grief: Pregnancy can be a time of great joy and the restrictions imposed by COVID-19 are depriving women of many exciting experiences from baby showers and baby shopping to prenatal classes. This feeling of loss is understandable as women try and reconcile their hopes and expectations with this new reality. 

COPING AMID COVID

Below are some strategies you may find effective if you or a pregnant loved one are struggling to cope amid COVID-19.

  • Reach Out: Even though we can’t physically connect right now, it’s important to stay in touch with loved ones and health professionals to ensure you’re feeling emotionally and medically supported.  Virtual platforms, like Zoom and FaceTime, are ideal for staying connected with your inner circle.  
 
  • Stay Informed: Research and guidelines are changing all the time so be sure you’re staying on top of updates related to pregnancy and childbirth during COVID-19. Online prenatal classes, like this one offered by the City of Toronto, are another way of accessing important information from the safety of your home. Don’t be afraid to ask questions; knowledge is empowering!
 
  • Get Grounded: During stressful moments, it’s helpful to engage in activities that feel grounding, healthy and/or personally fulfilling. For example, exercising, meditation or simply going for a (socially distanced) walk are healthy distractions that can do wonders for your psyche. 
 
  • Speak With a Professional: Many therapists, including me, are shifting their practices online to accommodate clients during the pandemic. Connecting with a mental health practitioner, either virtually or by phone, can be a healthy way to express and manage what you’re going through.

This is a challenging time to be pregnant and it’s necessary to treat your mental health as importantly as your physical health.  If you find yourself struggling right now, consider the above strategies and always reach out if you need additional support. 
 
RELATED LINKS:
Covid-19 and Your Mental Health: FAQS
7 Tips for Coping with Coronavirus Anxiety
The Underexplored Issue of Postpartum Anxiety
Baby Blues or Something More?
Surviving Motherhood: 5 Tips To Help Avoid Burnout
0 Comments

Covid-19 and Your Mental Health: FAQS

4/15/2020

0 Comments

 
Picture

This an extremely challenging time with far more questions than answers about how we got here and where we’re headed next. It’s also put a renewed focus on mental health as people grapple with feelings of fear, stress and loneliness brought on by the pandemic and resulting social isolation measures.   

To help provide support, I’ve offered some answers below to a handful of questions related to Covid-19 and mental health. I hope you find these responses informative and helpful.

1.  How can I manage my feelings of loneliness while in self-isolation?

Loneliness can be a symptom of isolation so it’s perfectly reasonable to feel this way right now. An important thing to remember is that even though we’re being told by government and health officials to avoid physical contact, we can still find alternate ways of connecting with people and staying in touch with the world beyond our four walls. Some ideas include:

  • Getting Online: Technologies like FaceTime and Zoom are enabling us to speak face-to-face with family and friends from a distance. If making conversation isn’t your strong suit, consider playing a game (e.g. Bingo or Pictionary) as a form of virtual fun. 
  • Getting Some Air: Being stuck indoors can get tedious and stale after a while. Stay connected to the outside world by going for a (socially-distanced) walk or throwing open your doors at least once a day to watch the cars and pedestrians go by.  ​

  • Getting Involved: One of the most effective ways to feel less alone is to connect to a cause bigger than yourself. Consider donating funds or safely volunteering your time to help people or communities in need of some extra support.

 
​2.  How do I cope with this new pressure to work, parent and homeschool all at once?
This is a common question from parents nowadays as they try and juggle the simultaneous demands of homelife, work life and school life all under one roof. It’s an unprecedented balancing act made all the more challenging because nobody knows how long this pandemic will last. 

So how can parents manage? 

The first and most important thing I want to emphasize is kindness — self-kindness, that is. Now is the time to be most compassionate with yourself and to let go of unrealistic expectations of “having it all”. Despite living in a society that values perfection, it’s simply unrealistic (read: impossible) to achieve that right now. These are stressful times, so take stock of some small changes you can make (e.g. allowing more screen time than normal or asking for a reduced workload) that will make life a little bit easier. This too shall pass.

3.  How can I avoid passing my fear and stress onto my kids?


Fear and stress are legitimate emotions to be experiencing right now but it’s understandable to want to shield your children from feeling the same way. If you’re concerned about passing your current feelings of anxiety to the youngest members of your household, consider the following tips:

  • Limit Pandemic Talk to the Adults: With Covid-19 updates being released all the time, it’s easy to get caught up in the news and the numbers of it all. Do your best to only discuss distressing news when your kids are not around, unless of course they ask, in which case…

  • Choose Your Words Carefully: Kids — especially young kids — don’t need to know everything related to the ongoing crisis, but they should be given clear and age-appropriate answers if they ask. There are many resources online for how to talk to your kids about Covid-19 — the Prime Minister even gave some child-friendly answers on the subject!

  • Know Your Limits: One of the most important steps you can take to avoid passing on your anxiety is to be self-aware about your feelings and labeling them to take necessary action. Saying “I’m feeling really anxious right now” is a good prompt to step away from other members of your family until that wave of discomfort has passed.

4.  How can I pace myself for this 'new normal'?


I know it sounds cliché but there’s simply no better advice than to take it one day — or even one moment — at time. We’re all in survival mode right now and our bodies become exhausted when they’re constantly fending off fear or stress. For this reason, it’s important to stay attuned to our feelings and respond accordingly. If we’re having a low energy or “nothing” day, take some time to rest, recover and regroup. Likewise, consider spending a “good” day accomplishing one of those household tasks you’ve been putting off.   

5.  Self-isolation is creating tension and more conflict in my relationship: what should I do? 


Our lives don’t typically involve the stress of pandemics or staying indoors 24/7, so it makes sense that our personal relationships are being tested right now. Two keys to making it through this time with your significant other are compassion and communication. 

  • Compassion: this refers to compassion for your partner and compassion for yourself.  Recognizing that we’re all in survival mode and coping in our own way can help you and your spouse find common ground and open the door to helpful solutions.

  • Communication: rather than stifling your feelings in front of your partner, label them (e.g. I’m feeling very stressed) and spell out what you need to help you cope (e.g. “I need more alone time to help me feel calm). Doing so will put you on the same page. If you’re finding it difficult to have these conversations with your spouse, consider reaching out to a mental health professional as an outlet.   
    ​
6.  How do I move through these waves of panic I’m experiencing?

As humans we thrive on consistency, so when something like the Covid-19 crisis hits, it can cause us to feel many different emotions, including panic. Panic is a healthy and perfectly appropriate reaction to the uncertainty swirling around us right now so rather than pushing it away, try to acknowledge it with compassion. Remember that your whole day is likely not filled with panic so use that as a reminder that this state of fear is only temporary.


7.  I'm feeling fear, but I'm also experiencing feelings of grief. Is that normal?

Yes. This pandemic has disrupted our sense of normalcy so it’s perfectly natural to be grieving your way of life B.C. (before Covid-19). While some people may be sad over their loss of freedom and daily routines, others may be grieving a lost job or missed celebrations with family and friends. Grief typically comes in stages (e.g. denial, anger, acceptance), so try and be patient and kind with yourself knowing that your feelings are reasonable and appropriate at this time.  

8.  What if I or someone I care for needs mental health support but don't currently have a therapist?
Many therapy professionals are making themselves available to new clients and have adapted their practices by shifting to virtual or telephone counselling. This is a very challenging time and speaking with a mental health practitioner is a healthy way of coping with the stress and fear you may be feeling right now. I encourage you to reach out to a therapy professional if you or a loved one is in need of extra support.

0 Comments

7 Tips for Coping with Coronavirus Anxiety

3/16/2020

0 Comments

 
Picture

As the world continues to grapple with the coronavirus outbreak, you — like so many people in the world right now — may be feeling a heightened sense of anxiety.  Often this anxiety is caused by an extraordinary sense of uncertainty about the future: “how will this crisis affect my loved ones?”, “what will happen to my job?”, “when will things go back to normal?”

As humans, our natural reaction to a future that remains uncertain is to feel fear. The emotion of fear can feel uncomfortable and difficult to regulate. When regulation becomes challenging we will often fall into a state of fight/flight/freeze, a normal biological reaction when we perceive an imminent threat to our physical safety.  

During these uncertain times, our ability to cope and regulate our emotions can become even more challenging.  It is important to remember that we are not alone and that we are all going through this together. 

The question is, during this time of increased stress and anxiety, how do we make sure to take care of ourselves?

COPING WITH CORONAVIRUS ANXIETY
​

Fear and anxiety are subjective emotions and so are the ways we cope with them. Here are some different strategies that may help if you’re feeling extra anxious about life right now: 
 
  • Acknowledge Your Feelings: This may sound trivial but acknowledging your feelings as reasonable and appropriate given the circumstances is an important part of the coping process. Hold yourself with compassion and remember that it’s okay to feel exactly as you’re feeling right now.
 
  • Try to Visualize Your Emotions: Visualization can be a helpful way to better understand our thoughts and emotions. Try to picture your feelings as oceans waves: let the emotions pass over you like a wave.  Allow the waves to come and be felt while also remembering and finding comfort in the fact that it is temporary and will eventually subside.
 
  • Be Proactive Where Possible: From travel restrictions to school closures, the coronavirus crisis has taught us that certain decisions are beyond our control.  For this reason, it can be helpful to focus on things you do have command over like your personal hygiene (e.g. washing your hands diligently with soap and water) and your personal conduct (e.g. limiting yours and your family’s exposure to crowds). Making small, intentional decisions can help you feel more in control when it seems like the world around you is anything but.
 
  • Practice Self-Care: Now more than ever it’s important to prioritize wellness and self-care by remembering to sleep well, eat balanced meals, stay mentally engaged and keep active as much as possible. Government and health officials have reminded us that social distancing doesn’t necessarily mean staying indoors, so try and step outside at least twice a day for some replenishing fresh air and a welcome change of scenery.
 
  • Choose Your Information Sources Wisely: With all its misinformation and unsolicited opinions, social media can be a stressful ecosystem for people dealing with anxiety. Consider limiting your social media exposure at this time and instead, look to trusted information sources (e.g. World Health Organization, Global Affairs Canada) and reputable news outlets for the updates and guidance you really need at this time.
 
  • Stay Connected: We’re fortunate to live in an age when technology can keep us connected even when we’re forced to stay apart. From video chats with loved ones to virtual play dates with friends, do your best to reach out to others for fun and moral support during this unusual time. When we self-isolate, we tend to stew on our fears; talking to others reassures us we’re not alone.
 
  • Share Your Feelings: This can apply to anything from confiding in a trusted friend or family member to speaking with a therapy professional — many of whom (myself included) are offering remote sessions via video chat to respect social distancing protocols. Give yourself an outlet to share how you’re feeling about the current events swirling around us; you never have to face your feelings alone. 

Times of upheaval and uncertainty, like the unfolding coronavirus crisis we’re all living through, can lead us to feel more fearful and anxious. If you find yourself struggling right now, consider the above strategies and always reach out if you need additional support. 

Wishing you comfort and peace of mind.
 
RELATED LINKS:
Eco-Anxiety: How to Cope with Climate-Related Stress
Understanding the Symptoms, Triggers and Treatment of Panic Attacks
Panic Attacks and Panic Disorders: What’s the Difference?




0 Comments

The Right Fit: 5 Tips for Finding a Therapist in Toronto

2/27/2020

0 Comments

 
Picture

Today’s blog entry focuses on the early stages of the therapeutic process: finding a therapist that’s right for you. 

I’m posting on this theme to clarify some of the confusion that still exists and to provide a roadmap for anyone interested in taking the next step on their mental health journey.

THE ROAD TO THERAPY

The decision to start therapy isn’t made lightly in most cases. It can be daunting if you don’t know what to expect and can feel like an expensive or time-consuming exercise you just don’t have room for in your already busy life.

Perhaps the biggest deterrent to seeking therapy, however, is the ongoing stigma attached to it and the fear that getting professional help is a sign of failure or weakness. Research shows that men are particularly resistant to therapy because of concerns that society will look down on guys “who can't ‘tough it out.’”

Of course, the opposite is in fact true: therapy can be incredibly beneficial and takes great courage; it is nothing to ever be embarrassed or ashamed of.

FINDING THE RIGHT THERAPIST

Once you’ve made the important decision to see a therapist, the next step is finding the right one. 

Finding a therapist in a large metropolitan city like Toronto can be overwhelming.  With that said, it is important to remember that therapists, much like their clients, are all different. They have unique disciplines, areas of specialization, educational backgrounds and personalities that all contribute to their overall approach.  

Searching for the right therapist requires patience, effort and even an actual session or two to determine whether they are a good fit for your needs. Ultimately, the key to making progress in therapy is finding someone you trust and can connect with in a meaningful way. 

​Here are some steps for finding a therapist that’s right for you:
  1. Research Your Options: Therapy is not one-size-fits-all. As I wrote above, it takes a bit of homework to ensure you’re making an informed decision that’s best for you. Start your search online to explore the various types of therapies, areas of specialization, treatment philosophies and professional designations to see what most closely reflects the type of help you’re looking for.
  2. Gather Some Names: Once you’ve collected some information about the kind of therapy you’re interested in, start searching for professionals in your area who might fit the bill. It can also be beneficial to contact your physician as they may have a list of therapists they’ve worked with and can refer. Trusted family and friends may also be a good source of therapy recommendations.
  3. Check Your Coverage: Mental health plans vary widely so it’s important to fully understand your coverage before getting started. Among the most important details to know are the type of specialist(s) you’re covered for (e.g. psychologist, social worker, psychotherapist, counsellor, etc.) and how much you’re eligible to spend annually. 
  4. Make Contact: Now that you’ve done the initial legwork, it’s time to make contact. Calling, rather than emailing, a therapy professional can be very beneficial as many clients form an impression in that first conversation about whether they’d like to move forward with a face-to-face appointment. Many therapists, myself included, offer free consultations to potential clients as an opportunity for them to ask questions and gather more information about the practice.
  5. Try it Out: It can take time to build trust and feel comfortable with a therapist, so be patient with yourself if you feel closed off at first. Reflecting on certain questions after each session, for example “is this therapist sincere and understanding?” or “do I feel like I can trust him/her with my emotions?”, can help you determine whether the practitioner is a good fit or if you should explore other options. Try not to feel discouraged if you need to start over with someone new; the important thing is finding someone you connect with and trust.

The decision to embark on therapy is a big step in anyone’s life. Afterall, it takes courage to admit we don’t have all the answers and might need some extra help. Doing the necessary diligence, as I outlined above, will go a long way to helping you find the right therapist in Toronto and set you on a path to progress in your mental health journey. 

RELATED LINKS:
Stop Mental Health Stigma!
The Pursuit of Happiness


0 Comments

5 Strategies for Overcoming Shame as a Parent

2/10/2020

0 Comments

 
Picture

I routinely meet with people who are struggling with the pressures of raising kids. It’s a 24/7 job that can spark a roller coaster of emotions depending on the day: fear, resentment, joy, frustration….and that’s just before breakfast.

But one of the most common emotions that my therapy clients struggle with goes to the heart of how they see themselves as parents. And that feeling is shame.


WHAT IS SHAME?


The experience of shame is deeply personal and can make us question how we see ourselves in everyday life. 


As a parent, shame can lead to feelings of unworthiness and self-doubt around how we’re bringing up the next generation, particularly when certain parts don’t work out as we envisioned or planned. 


WHERE DOES SHAME COME FROM?


Moms and dads often have an image in their mind of what parenting
‘should’ look like. Aptly coined the ’myth of the perfect parent’, this romanticized outlook is usually formed before the babies are even born and the messiness (literally and figuratively) or parenting truly sets in.


This universal idea of what parenting
‘should’ look like can also give rise to a million smaller ‘shoulds’ that creep into our everyday thinking. For example: 


I should be breastfeeding my baby.


I should be balancing career and family.


I should always enjoy spending time with my kids.


I should never yell or show frustration.


The trouble with all these
’shoulds’ is that they put an unrealistic pressure on moms and dads to parent a certain way and can lead to feelings of defeat when things don’t work out. This disconnect between expectation and reality is where shame starts to set in. 


WHAT ELSE IS AT PLAY?


While the issue of shame around parenting isn’t anything new, certain aspects of modern life aren’t helping.


Social media, for example, has made it easier than ever to compare ourselves to one another and fill our minds with doubt about what we should and shouldn’t be doing as parents. Just last year, a
survey of 500 Canadian women revealed that 82% of moms compare themselves to other moms online and 69% said they have “insecurities about motherhood” due to social media. 


SO, WHAT CAN BE DONE?


Despite the emotional challenges of parenting in today’s world, there are strategies that can help:
  • Try and Understand Your Shame: It’s important to understand your shame and what triggers it before attempting to resolve it. When you recognize negative thoughts creeping in, ask yourself “do I struggle with this feeling often?”, “are these feelings sparked by certain situations or people?” Once you’ve isolated the underlying factors, it can be easier to make sense of the result: “this is a trigger for my shame because…”
 
  • Aim to Let Go of Unrealistic Expectations: Remember that what you thought parenting would be and what it actually is are two very different things. Recognizing that, do your best to let go of the expectations you had before having kids and focus instead on being the best version of yourself right now.
 
  • Practice Self-Care: As parents, we often put ourselves last but practicing self-kindness is very important when battling feelings of shame. Focusing on mindfulness and learning to talk through negative thoughts are just some of the ways you can channel more self-care into your life. There is also no shame in reaching out to trusted family members or friends if you need extra support.
 
  • Rethink Social Media: Social media is a way of life for all of us, but it can be used for harm or good depending on how we consume it. Rather than comparing yourself to others online, try and see social media for what it is: a carefully curated snapshot in time that doesn’t necessarily tell the whole story.  
 
  • Seek Support: If the pressures of parenting are becoming too much, consider speaking with a therapy professional who can provide an outlet for your feelings and constructive strategies to help you move forward.

RELATED LINKS: 
The Underexplored Issue of Postpartum Anxiety
Lowering the Stress of Summer Parenting
Surviving Motherhood: 5 Tips to Help Avoid Burnout

​
0 Comments

Unhealthy Start? Why Lofty New Year's Resolutions Can Do More Harm Than Good

12/30/2019

0 Comments

 
Picture

​The end of December is synonymous with celebration, but it also signals the start of another time-honoured tradition: making new year’s resolutions.

The act of pledging to start doing something “good” or stop doing something “bad” is one that’s observed by many Canadians annually. But, is it a healthy way to start the year? 


You may be surprised to read this, but I don’t think it is.


THE DOWNSIDE OF MAKING BIG PROMISES


According
to a recent study, the top 10 New Year’s resolutions for 2019 were: 
  1. Diet or eat healthier (71%)
  2. Exercise more (65%)
  3. Lose weight (54%)
  4. Save more and spend less (32%)
  5. Learn a new skill or hobby (26%)
  6. Quit smoking (21%) 
  7. Read more (17%)
  8. Find another job (16%) 
  9. Drink less alcohol (15%) 
  10. Spend more time with family and friends (13%)

When you combine this list with the fact
80 percent of resolutions fail by February, the cracks in this longstanding ritual begin to appear. 


Overhauling aspects of our lifestyle is challenging at any time of year, but particularly when its tied — not to internal motivation or readiness — but to a fixed date on the calendar. If we pledge to make major and unrealistic changes without actually being ready, the chances of failure increase and we can end up feeling more demoralized and unhappy than before we started.


AN ALTERNATIVE APPROACH


Rather than making lofty and life-altering resolutions at the start of the year, I suggest approaching January 1st
with a renewed commitment to wellness and self-care. 


Life can be frenzied and stressful enough without piling on a list of new tasks to achieve. I’d prefer, instead, my clients focus on learning who they are and how to healthily move forward when life doesn’t go as planned. 


In dedicating more time to personal wellness and less time to pressure-driven goals, we can hopefully strive for a healthier, wiser and more improved self in 2020. 


​Wishing you a peaceful and happy New Year!


0 Comments

Coping with Toxic Family Members During the Holidays

12/16/2019

0 Comments

 
Picture

‘Tis the season for family gatherings and while many people enjoy reconnecting with relatives at this time of year, others feel less than cheerful about it.

Why? 


There are several reasons someone may dread a holiday get together, but one that’s come up a lot in recent weeks is the unease some clients have expressed around spending time with a toxic family member. 


If you’re struggling with a similar worry in the lead up to the holidays, below are some self-care tips and strategies that may help.
​
  • To Go or Not to Go? The first thing you’ll have to decide is whether it’s healthy for you to attend a family gathering where a toxic family member will be in attendance.  People have a tendency to want to please others, however, your wellbeing has to come first. If the cons of attending outweigh the pros, it might be best to skip the festivities and revaluate again next year.

If you have decided to attend:

  • Prepare Yourself: I advise clients to plan ahead whenever they’re going into a potentially triggering situation. For example, visualize the scene and the people in attendance. Who do you want to engage with and who do you want to avoid? When will you arrive and how long will you stay? Planning ahead will give you a sense of empowerment and control in a potentially tricky situation.
 
  • Set Boundaries: This can refer to many things, from boundaries around your time to boundaries around your conversation. Setting clear and assertive expectations about what conditions will make you comfortable can go a very long way towards easing your mind with a toxic family member around.
 
  • Adjust Your Outlook: You can’t always prevent people from engaging in toxic behaviour, but you can adjust your own reactions. Rather than feeding into their negativity by engaging it, separate yourself as an observer, rather than a participant. Doing so will liberate you from trying to change who they are.
 
  • Remove Yourself if Necessary: Don’t feel the need to stick around if a toxic family member is ruining your time. Stay calm and look for an opportunity to remove yourself from the immediate situation: “Enjoy your evening, I’m going to see if cousin Jill needs help in the kitchen.”
 
  • Debrief and Detox: After an emotionally draining situation, it’s important to hit the reset button. Seek out a trusted friend or family member to debrief with and who can help you let go of that toxic energy. 

This time of year is merry for some and challenging for others. If you’re concerned about encountering a toxic family member during the holidays, consider the above steps and reach out to a therapy professional if you need additional strategies or support.

Wishing you a peaceful and joyous holiday season. 


0 Comments
<<Previous

    Author

    Lindsay Ross, MSW RSW, is a clinical social worker in private practice in Toronto, Ontario.  

    Archives

    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    September 2016
    July 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    January 2016
    November 2015
    October 2015

    Categories

    All

    RSS Feed

MIDTOWN TORONTO THERAPY      


Telephone

647-501-7220

email

contact@midtowntorontotherapy.com

  office                                                                   

  3080 Yonge Street, #5004
  Toronto, Ontario
  M4N 3N1
verified by Psychology Today
  • Home
  • About
  • Services
    • Individual Therapy >
      • Depression
      • Anxiety
      • FAQs About Therapy
    • Postpartum Counselling
    • Couples Counselling
  • Fees/Policies
  • Media
  • Blog
  • Contact