What is Couples Therapy and Why Do It?

​Whether you’ve welcomed a new baby into your home or have undergone a stressful career transition, chances are your relationship has weathered some ups and downs. 

And you’re not alone. 

Couples of all stripes face challenging headwinds from time to time; the important thing is finding ways to manage the storm or better yet, head it off entirely. 

If you haven’t guessed by now, I’m talking about couples therapy.

What is Couples Therapy?

When it comes to defining couples therapy, I usually like to start with what it’s not. Couples therapy is not a sign of failure or the impending downfall of a relationship. Nor is therapy necessarily reserved for times of crisis or as a last resort before breaking-up. 

Rather, couples therapy can be an essential aspect of maintaining a healthy relationship that may actually preempt problems down the line and help break the cycle of disconnection — an all-too-common pattern of fighting more, talking less and feeling increasingly isolated from your spouse.

While usually initiated by one half of the couple, successful therapy depends on equal participation from both partners. Sessions generally last around an hour and some, but not all, therapists will assign ‘homework’ for the couple to work on between appointments. 

Reasons for Couples Therapy

As much as I wish therapy was standard practice in relationships, realistically I know most couples will only seek counselling when something ‘big’ forces the issue. Here are just some of the reasons a couple may embark on professional counselling:

• Transition:  The couple has undergone a change that has shaken up the equilibrium in their relationship. Examples include a new baby, a career transition, a relocation, etc.  Therapy can provide a constructive setting to navigate lifecycle transitions and regain a sense of balance.

 

• Injury:  The couple has endured an emotional or psychological trauma either in the present or the past. Examples include infidelity or the absence of a partner in a moment of crisis (i.e. job loss, death of a parent, miscarriage). Couples therapy can provide a safe forum for both partners to communicate their vulnerability and work on rebuilding trust.

 

• External Stressors: The couple is burdened by factors outside the relationship. Examples include finances, job stress and family drama.  A skilled therapist can suggest constructive ways of helping yourself or your partner manage external stress.

 

• Lack of Physical or Emotional Intimacy: The couple is struggling with physical or emotional intimacy which could be due to a variety of factors. Counselling can offer a safe environment in which to discuss sensitive matters and explore realistic solutions.

 
The decision to embark on couples therapy is a landmark choice in any relationship and like any big step, requires effort and commitment. Thankfully, it can also provide much-needed clarity in the context of a safe and neutral environment that may yield the answers you’ve been looking for.